


A Collection of Letters from Baron Klaus Wulfenbach's Personal Effects

by sycamie



Category: Girl Genius
Genre: Epistolary, Faux Academia, Gen, Paris Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 04:44:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5614366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sycamie/pseuds/sycamie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(For the Girl Genius 2015 gift exchange, for theroyalzookeeper.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Collection of Letters from Baron Klaus Wulfenbach's Personal Effects

Collection of Letters

From Baron Klaus Wulfenbach’s Personal Effects

**\- 1 -**

20 April 18XX

Wilhemina,

I am writing to let you know I will be delayed a week’s time.  You already know the castle’s been redirected towards Parisian airspace – some delivery for the Master, as I understand it – and I’ve been told to hold and await further instruction.  I tried to explain that I was due for leave – that we had been planning this for months – but was met with little sympathy and even less explanation.  I’m not sure why the Baron decided to turn the whole goddamned ship around, but apparently it’s worth keeping an entire squadron on standby for. 

I’ll be in touch when I know more.  Please send my apologies to father.

Yours,

Ben

[Penned by Corporal Benjamin Hark of the 2nd Air Brigade, while aboard Castle Wulfenbach.  This particular letter was used as evidence during a disciplinary hearing for Corporal Hark about the importance of discretion when writing letters to family.]

**\- 2 -**

April the Twenty-Seventh, 18XX

To Herr Baron Wulfenbach,

Please allow me to extend my warmest welcome to you and your ward Monsieur Holzfäller.  We are graced by your patronage and hope to be able to serve you with excellence in the years to come.  As instructed, we have established an account for Monsieur Holzfäller and will be delivering a sum of [XXXXX] to his residence on a biweekly basis.  Any deposits or withdrawals may be done via wire or in writing.  I will be paying personal attention to ensure any transactions enacted on your behalf be carried out as quickly as possible.

Warmest regards,

Augustin Bertrand

Managing Director, Bank of Paris 

**\- 3 -**

[A newspaper clipping from the May 1, 18XX edition of Le Observateur]

COLOSSAL CALAMARI ON RUE DE BARRI

Rue de Barri, home to a host of cafes frequented by tourists and locals alike, was rocked by explosions yesterday afternoon.The source of the blasts came from the extermination of several colossal squids which had been living in the sewers underlying the famous street.Officers from  Préfecture de police de Paris have cordoned off the area to allow city workers to clear the rubble and tentacle remnants from the site and assess damages. 

No official statement has been given as to whether or not the exterminations were city-sanctioned.However, multiple eyewitness reports indicate that shortly before the explosions began, a bevy of tentacles erupted from several manholes and grabbed several bystanders before drawing them underground.One such victim, a young woman identifying herself as  "La Sirène Dorée,” claimed that a young man had rescued her by igniting strategic inlets of underground gas lines to injure the colossal squids.

Rue de Barri is estimated to be opened to the public again in two weeks’ time, although volunteers to help repair the damages will be allowed in sooner.Any interested parties should attend Seafood Sunday night at 6 p.m. at Pouissant's Food Bank.

 

**\- 4 -**

Klaus,

For your sake, I certainly hope this isn’t going to become a trend.Tuition costs may increase next semester.

\- V

[Letters 3 and 4 were found in the same envelope.]

**\- 5 -**

17 May

Dear Father,

University is going well.I’ve started on the core medical curriculum as well as selected Professor Bonfil’s course on Laboratory Ethics, Philosophy, and Fireproofing course as my main elective.Paris is beautiful, especially the University!I’m sure the Master of Paris must have an urban planning spark or two on his payroll, because I haven’t seen an ugly corner of the city yet.

I’ve met with the professors you recommended I introduce myself to, as well as Master Voltaire.He asked after your health and said to send you his regards.I’m sorry I can’t write in more detail, but I’ve already got a pile of essays that need to be completed within the next few days.

Sincerely,

Gilgamesh

[Parts of this letter were reconstructed, to the best of our historian’s knowledge of language common to the era. This letter displayed significantly more wear than most of the others found in the collection, as it appeared to have accumulated much wear along the edges and fold lines.]

 

**\- 6 -**

11 June 18XX

Herr Baron,

Although he appears to be making top marks in his classes, Gilgamesh’s attendance in classes has dropped significantly.He appears to be most heavily avoiding Organic Fractionation and Fabrication and Prosthobiomechanics.Although there are a number of common factors between these courses, I can’t help but notice that a certain Monsieur A. Sturmvoraus is on both class rosters.If you would like, I would be able to reassign a man or two from my unit to check up on young Aaronev. 

Lt. Fabreaux

 

**\- 7 -**

[An article from the Sorbonne Journal, dated August 4, 18XX]

Many of the university’s students who have visited the biology department can recall the laboratory of Sylvester Yungbluth, professor of invertebrate biology.It is hard to miss one’s notice when entering Rawley Hall, as the tracks of corrosion marring the door frame of Prof. Yungbluth’s research area are the only of its kind in the building, as well as the peculiar smell most students describe as “spices, wood chips, and wet shoes.”Some closer to the Professor’s work will be familiar with his fascination with _Helix pomatia_ and his efforts to make the species more easily cultivated for farm-raising.Thus far the professor has had moderate success in the form of Fair Lawrence, the now well-beloved mascot of Sorbonne’s biology department and first of the sub-species _Helix pomatia gigantica_.Fair Lawrence’s introduction to polite society was accompanied with remarks from the Professor about “if he couldn’t up the number, he could at least up the size.”Professor Yungbluth succeeded in achieving the former objective late last month, when Fair Lawrence gave birth to a clutch of over 600 eggs.Professor Yungbluth stated that he had “never been so proud - it feels like my family has grown,” and that he would be carefully incubating the eggs in the weeks to follow. 

Fair Lawrence’s clutch began hatching this past Tuesday, with graduate students and members of the professor’s Biology 202 class taking shifts to monitor the hatchlings.It was noted by several students that the voracious infant snails seemed to be growing particularly rapidly compared to what was normal for the species, as well as leaving trails of unusually corrosive slime.The young snails eventually breached their containment unit late Wednesday night, resulting in the chaotic destruction seen by many on Thursday morning as Fair Lawrence’s progeny made a dash from the newly eroded hole in Rawley Hall to the sewer entrances dotting the university.Although many attempts to halt the acidic destruction left by the slime trails of the snails were made, none were successful until one M Gilgamesh Holzfäller, an undergraduate student of Professor Yungbluth’s, noticed that the majority of the snails were headed for Professor Hackerty’s crops of sewer mushrooms.These mushroom colonies, seeded by Professor Hackerty more than twenty years ago, are now regularly maintained by her students and the source of approximately one third of Paris’s mushroom supply.The same M Holzfäller, in an effort to prevent further destruction, spread several kilograms of the university’s winter road salt supply around the periphery of the mushroom colonies.While effective in culling much of the rogue snail population, the salt also had the unfortunate effect of destroying nearly all of Professor Hackerty’s mushroom colonies.When asked to comment, Professor Hackerty became extremely agitated and said that this incident was another one of many where “inferior gastronomic tastes have compromised the safety and integrity of the student body,” and that she was felt “sorry for the students, that the university used their tuition to fund such superfluous research.”This last statement was said in full view of Professor Yungbluth, who responded to Professor Hackerty with a gesture so rude it would be lower the quality of this publication were it described in detail.

[At the top margin of this article, written in a neat hand which has been identified as belonging to Boris Dolokhov, a note reads, “Estimated damages:216,500 FRF current crop, replanting costs unknown.]

 

**\- 8 -**

15 September

Father,

First off, _please_ don’t be mad.I know there have been a few incidents in the past where cleanup has been involved, but this time around it was wholly the OTHER PERSON’S fault.The owners of the opera house actually thanked me for my involvement and said that I had helped resolve a problem that had been going on since they had bought the place.They said that their insurance would take care of much of the cost of the chandelier (which the OTHER GUY cut down, completely his decision there), and that they had frankly been unaware of the extent of the underground tunnels beneath the building but were grateful that many of the traps down there had been disarmed.

I know you like to send soldiers to check up on me after incidents like this - please don’t fault them for sticking out as much as they do, they’re trying the best they can - but quite frankly they kind of creep out the locals and other students.Colette has mentioned to me that the Master talks about increasing the restrictions on visitor visas every time Wulfenbach troops enter the city, and all of this ultimately puts eyes on me.It’s all very awkward - I know you think you’re being subtle, but please give it a rest for just this once, okay?

Sincerely,

Gilgamesh

 

**\- 9 -**

17 September, 18XX

Herr Baron,

Captain Dupree has been delivered safely to Montmartre and, to the surprise of this officer, without any casualties.She has been supplied with the basic means for living and arrangements have been made for her usual stipend to be transferred through the Bank of Paris. 

Commander Lyon

 

**\- 10 -**

[The following letter, written on a 3 by 5 inch piece of parchment, shows similar wear to item 5 as described above.Although it is not dated or signed, it is safe to assume that it was penned by Gilgamesh Wulfenbach.]

Father,

_WHAT THE HELL._

 


End file.
